| News Lampoon |
Frogs |
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By Rick Bishop March 27, 2010 Some claim the U.S. is becoming a socialistic democracy and moving swiftly towards communism. They point to President Barack Obama’s associations with Weather Underground alumnus Bill Ayers and the radical socialist reverend Jeremiah Wright, the many Mao admirers on the present administration’s cabinet, his “community work” with whore-mongering ACORN, and now, the cherry on top, the Democrats muscling through a 2700-page health-care bill that Teabaggers call “socialized medicine.” The passage of the bill met with the approval of Fidel Castro. Colin Powell, a Republican who endorsed President Obama, probably approved, too, so you make the call. Most of us don’t know much about all this, really don’t care. Like Congress, we didn’t read the bill. Life goes on. We’re just Americans. We go about our business, content to believe we live in a capitalistic democracy. Some think we’re like proverbial frogs in pots of cool water . . . on top of a stove. We’re floating comfortably, going to work, to school, eating, drinking, fornicating, looking forward to our vacations, not knowing the heat is turned on high. Supposedly, frogs can’t feel the temperature rising and end up being cooked without realizing it. I don’t know if this is true. I would never try it because I like frogs. They’re cute. When I was a kid, I used to catch ‘em, hold ‘em for a sec or two, and let ‘em go. I’ve never eaten frog legs, never would. There’s another famous proverb about a scorpion and a frog. Let’s pretend President Obama is the scorpion and those Republicans and Independents who voted for him looking for hope and change are the frog. The scorpion asks the frog for a ride across a stream because he can’t swim. The frog says, “But you’ll sting me.” “I’d drown,” replies the scorpion. “Okay,” says the frog, after a long beat. “Hop on my back.” Soon as they reach the other side, the scorpion stings the frog. “Why? Why?” asks the frog, dying. “I’m a scorpion,” says the scorpion. No shit. He might as well have said, “I’m a politician! I’ll say anything!” Scientists say frogs are a sort of barometer. If something’s wrong with the environment—polluted water, air—they die or mutate in strange ways. They’re very sensitive, supposedly. More of them are being found with three legs, five, none; three eyes, one, no eyes. That’s too bad. I like frogs. Not the metaphoric ones in fables or who throw teabag parties. I like the real ones, the ones whose heads I don’t see sticking out of the water and whose croaks and chirps I don’t hear much anymore. I hope they’re okay. Oh, well. Life goes on, or doesn’t. |
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